


to be without, a life of sin

by PlacentaMilk



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, I don't know, I finally watched chapter 3, Uhhhhhhhh, and boy, it's been sitting in my drafts, this is just about the candles, was I disappointed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26801023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlacentaMilk/pseuds/PlacentaMilk
Summary: The silence stretches on, neither breaking it for a long time. When Sabrina finally turns to face him, the room is empty and void of the dark haired boy.Sort of like her heart.
Relationships: Nicholas Scratch/Sabrina Spellman
Kudos: 23





	to be without, a life of sin

When Nick sees that candle sitting at her desk, he immediately knows what it means. The pained sound escapes his throat before he even gets a chance to try to suppress it.

Sabrina looks up at him, that quiet and awkward silence broken with his pain, and when she sees him staring so adamantly at some place other than her, her eyes follow. The twin red candles still sit on her desk, the ends of the wicks burnt and broken. She never threw them away, never gave them a second thought after that night, actually. For all she knew, that night didn't exist - the spell didn't work anyway.

But the proof that she tried is there, staring back at her with it's glaringly red eyes. Nick didn't come here to be her boyfriend again, but the way he's staring at those goddamn candles makes the hope bloom something ugly deep in her chest, and the shame grow larger.

Nicholas walks forward on his own volition and picks up one of the candles, the one she carved his name in big letters. He observes it in silence while Sabrina watches him, wishing for the ground to open up beneath her and swallow her whole. It was never meant for Nick to find, _why_ did she insist they talk up here? He turns it over and sees the name Harvey written on the other side, and all those ugly feelings that he spent so long repressing so long ago come rising up in full force. The smirk that tugs on his lips is nothing but sardonic, a scoff to go with it. "Well... I guess I was right about you and Kinkle," he finally speaks. He wishes that his tone was even, void of emotion, but the truth is that he's always felt too much. When he turns to face her, she doesn't meet his eyes. "It was never over between you two, was it?"

Sabrina's eyes flutter shut and she sighs, her eyebrows furrowing in. "It was always over, Nick..." She trails off, her hands coming up to grab her elbows, tucking into herself. She thinks on what to say, tries to come up with a different explanation other than _I put his name on there because I didn't want to go running back to him just because I was lonely and end up breaking both of my best friend's hearts._ Nothing she comes up with sounds better than what the truth is, and she's at a loss for words.

"Like I said," Nick continues, setting the candle back down where it was. "Placeholder."

Her eyes open and settle on the candle that has Nick's and Harvey's names carved into it. "You were never a placeholder Nick. You were- I loved you."

When Nicholas laughs it's harsh and guttural and filled with so much emotion it almost sounds like he's choking on it. "You loved me." He restates, dark eyebrows raising.

"What did you want me to do, Nick?" Sabrina finally looks up at him, her hands letting go and flinging out, exasperated. "After everything, what did you expect me to do? Wait for you?" She asks seriously, and right as he goes to open his mouth to answer her question, she continues on, "Because you broke up with me. You said-... You said you hated me." Sabrina's voice is quiet as she says it, and her eyes fall back down to the floor, to stare at his dark leather shoes.

"I didn't mean it." He immediately says, stepping closer to her but not reaching out, not really knowing if he's allowed at this point. "You know I didn't-"

Her red lips turn downwards and her eyes close again, a tear falling straight down her cheek and onto the floor. "I wanted to believe that, but you know that I don't."

"I-" Nick starts before stopping, unsure of what to say.

"You broke up with me and you said it was because you would just weigh me down, but it was never about me, Nick. You didn't break up with me for me, you broke up with me for you. And that's okay," she laughs wetly, the tears unstoppable now that they've started. Sabrina looks back up at him and smiles sweetly, sadly, and shrugs because that's all she can do. "That's okay, but I... I want a life with you. Everything about my future, how unsure it is, no matter what happens I always see myself with you. I'd do anything for you, but I can't have that anymore. I can't look at you or talk to you without having the urge to touch you or tell you I love you, and I can't do that anymore.

"So yeah, I tried the stupid spell. Even after everything, the lying and the cheating and the _hurting_ I still love you and it hurts... You said it best yourself, Nick. Maybe we shouldn't."

Nick stays silent as Sabrina walks around him, grabbing that stupid fucking candle that stands out like a sore thumb. "Harvey was on the candle as an after thought. He never should've been on it, but not for the reason you're thinking." She throws the candle into the trashcan in the corner of her room, glaring down at it through watery eyes as if she glared hard enough it'd burst into flames. It doesn't, but she wishes it would. She wishes Nick would say something, or do something, but he does neither. "You can leave now." Sabrina whispers with her back still turned to him. 

The silence stretches on, neither breaking it for a long time. When Sabrina finally turns to face him, the room is empty and void of the dark haired boy.

Sort of like her heart.

**Author's Note:**

> I finally watched chapter three and wot the fawk 🙂
> 
> One thing I always liked about Nick was that he never rejected her like everybody else did. Harvey, Theo, Roz, they've all rejected her at some point, but Nick never did. He saw her and accepted her, but then satan had to go and give him ptsd :/ I don't think Sabrina will end up back with Harvey, despite this season I really think that Nick and Sabrina belong together, but maybe I'm just trying to live vicariously through a younger-than-me, fictional witch, who knows.


End file.
